Old Flames Part 1

Things had been pretty nonexistent in the dating scene for me for the last month. I've decided to just sort of, not focus on dating, girls, relationships..yadda yadda.. because it wasn't doing me any good. Then this weekend rolled around and I'm just all sorts of confused...

This weekend I went out of town to visit some friends from school in Kalamazoo. Well A. is from Portage which is right next to Kalamazoo. I've mentioned A. before:

"Then there was A. who is seemingly perfect we had so much in common, a wonderful girl, but she just couldn't deal with commitment of any kind so through the spring and part of the summer we were sort of on again off again flirty friends with crushes on each other..never more ..We really liked each other, but she goes to school 3 hours away and well, it just wasn't going work."

So we decided to get together for lunch.. she was so beautiful ..sigh.. Anyways lunch was good and then we went back to her house and we went for pretty walk with her cute dog and talked some more.. then on they way back to where I was staying.. she put her hand on my thigh..I put my hand over hers..and then we held hands.. When we got to my friends house she walked me to the door and we kissed!

So..here we go again... it's the same story every time.. and I don't know what to do about it..
We're good when we're together, so when we can be in the same place at the same time.. we're couple-ish.. but as soon as we part ways and go back home (which is three hours apart from each other) I don't hear from her hardly at all until the next time we see each other and the cycle starts again.. It happened last year around this time, it happened in July.. again in Feb and now in May...

I know we can't do the long distance thing.. I understand that.. So I try to just be open to .. "when we can be together..lets BE together and when we're not.. there's no expectations?"
but it gets a little frustrating or confusing at times..

Who knows..

Cough.. Cough Cough!

Kissing Update..


I got a cold from the kiss I was writing about. That's ok I knew what I was getting into. Better start drinking more tea and orange juice.

Kissing

Kissing. Kissing. Kissing

It's one of my favorite things. Ok, honestly, isn't one of everyones favorite things? But seriously, I love kissing. Sometimes kissing can be so amazing with someone that it's almost as good as sex. I could "make out" for hours and hours.. and hours.

I was a prude about my first kiss, very Julia Roberts a la Pretty Woman. I dated boys in middle and high school but would never kiss them. I didn't love them and my first kiss was going to be with someone I loved. I saved it for H. We were at Cedar Point standing in line for the Gemini when I leaned in to kiss her cheek and she turned her cheek so that I'd kiss her lips. Everyone saw, I was cliche weak in the knees. I think we kissed non stop the rest of the day, it was this whole new thing I had never experiened and wanted nothing more but to never stop. I was sixteen and in love.

Shortly after H. and I split I was careful with my kissing. I only kissed those that I was really interested in and invested in. I was never the type to just jokingly or drunkenly kiss anyone. Now is a different story. Of course, I save the good kisses for those I care about or am interested in... but in the last year I've relaxed more on my kissing rules.

Kissing is something I'm slightly insecure about. I want to be an amazing kisser. I want to be a pro at the thing I love doing the most and I always worry if my skills are top notch enough. I think this insecurity comes after having a bad kiss or.. at least an uncompatible kiss. Recently I had one of these kisses. My lips just didn't fit with theres.. it wasn't natural.. I was more passionate than my kissing partner who was soft and slow. We were both clearly strict bottom lip kissers which made for mismatched positioning, we were unsure of tongue usage and I worried that my signature lip bite might have crossed a line.

Note: this uncompatible kiss comes after having very compatible kissing... maybe i was spoiled by C's great kisses... but when kissing our lips went perfectly into place, it was comfortable and sexy and we were just on the same page.

So I'm asking.. do you think some people are just.. not compatible kissers? Do you think it takes practice and communication? (i do.. but i wasn't comfortable saying.. Um.. ok... "obviously our kissing kind of sucks right now..")

ugh.. I need a good kiss.. one where my lips fit just right.