Summer has officially started. The weather has been really beautiful, days are being spent sunbathing and sticking my toes in the lake as I wait for it to warm... but it wasn't until last summers "Summer Crush" came home recently that summer really felt like it started.
C came home on the first of the month, she had been away at school in Europe. I got to see on the third when she played a show at the local art fair. It wasn't until I saw her smile that I realised just how much I missed her. When I say I missed her I don't mean in the "crushy feeling" sort of way. I missed her because she is one of the most inspiring people I have ever met and being around her makes me feel so much better about the world. She's so optimistic.
Seeing her felt slightly uncomfortable though. Maybe it was the mixed emotions about what happened last summer, maybe it was the worry that something similar might happen again, maybe it was the worry that it wouldn't. It could have been the concern that change during the time apart would make us incompatible friends. It was a mixture of all of the above. But not much was said because everyone was excited to have her home and she was busy at the fair...
I didn't get spend time with her until last Friday at a friends birthday gathering.. before hand we talked about our recent love/like interests and what we had learned from them.. and it was good to catch up.. we had fun.. it was good.. It's nice to be done with what happened last summer and hopefully we can move on as friends..
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Jun 11, 2007
Dec 22, 2006
Advice From One Young Lesbian to a Younger One
Lately, I've been giving advice to a newly out senior in high school. She is this amazing, smart, talented, kind, and beautiful young woman who has decided to come out, and start a relationship with another young lesbian in the high school. I'm giving her the type of advice I wish I would have had forced down my throat when I was just coming out so I thought I'd post it for everyone else and get some advice to give to her.
1. Don't label yourself the gay girl. - when I first came out I couldn't wait to tell the world, I was in love and everyone had to know about it, so I told them. And while I was surprisingly accepted among this seemingly conservative student body, I became "J. the gay girl " I was always referred to as.. "oh that's J. she's gay" and at first that was fine.. but I've grown to realize that I am much more than my sexuality. I'm J the girl who is into politics, a reader of good books, a drinker of good wine, who is loud and fun.. who happens to be gay.. I'm much much much more now.
2. Leave the rainbow bracelets at home - no one wants someones opinion shoved in their face, besides it's tacky! I limit myself to an HRC sticker on my car, that's it. It isn't necessary to decorate yourself with signs of your sexuality, straight people don't do it. And it goes hand and hand with labeling yourself before other people do.
3. Its not always the best choice to pair up with the only other out lesbian in school - i know a handful of people who have done this, they come out, want to be in a relationship and pair up with the only other out lesbian who they might not be compatible with at all but it works because that's all you have to choose from.
4. If you do date in high school don't do this - and by this I mean.. do not, I repeat, do not plan your life around your high school girlfriend. For one, in high school and college we change sooooo much, so much so that we become completely different sometimes from the people we once were and once dated. So if you're going off to college and think you're going to make a long distance relationship work, think twice. You're going to meet so many new people and so many new lesbians, you're dating doors will be wide open which causes a lot of insecurity in the relationship. I decided that I had to go to college near my girlfriend so I applied to a school and got in and when we broke up right before I graduated I was screwed. I was stuck going to a school that wasn't right for me but that had been right for my relationship, and that was the only place I applied to. Stupid. Hey, if it works out that you both want to go to school at the same place that's great.. go for it.. But at this age, nothing lasts forever.. just keep an open mind.
5. Do not shove your sexuality down your parents throat - hell, they are just getting used to thinking of you as adults/sexual people anyways and to throw them off guard with coming out is huge. Do not expect for them to accept you right away. My parents said they accepted me but then found ways to not accept my relationship with my girlfriend and that is because I expected them to be perfectly ok with her and I right away, I didn't ease them into it, I didn't provide a mature relationship for them to be comfortable with at all. It wasn't until my second girlfriend that I was able to prove that my lesbian relationship was a mature relationship and therefore they could accept that. So take it slow, they'll come around.
After giving this advice I worried that I came off a little negative, that maybe my mistakes had made me bitter, so bitter to say.. "don't date that girl in high school, its a waste of time and it won't last" but that isn't what I mean at all.
Take things slow, explore your options.. and take time to step outside of yourself and evaluate the situation from another point of view...
Any other tips ?
1. Don't label yourself the gay girl. - when I first came out I couldn't wait to tell the world, I was in love and everyone had to know about it, so I told them. And while I was surprisingly accepted among this seemingly conservative student body, I became "J. the gay girl " I was always referred to as.. "oh that's J. she's gay" and at first that was fine.. but I've grown to realize that I am much more than my sexuality. I'm J the girl who is into politics, a reader of good books, a drinker of good wine, who is loud and fun.. who happens to be gay.. I'm much much much more now.
2. Leave the rainbow bracelets at home - no one wants someones opinion shoved in their face, besides it's tacky! I limit myself to an HRC sticker on my car, that's it. It isn't necessary to decorate yourself with signs of your sexuality, straight people don't do it. And it goes hand and hand with labeling yourself before other people do.
3. Its not always the best choice to pair up with the only other out lesbian in school - i know a handful of people who have done this, they come out, want to be in a relationship and pair up with the only other out lesbian who they might not be compatible with at all but it works because that's all you have to choose from.
4. If you do date in high school don't do this - and by this I mean.. do not, I repeat, do not plan your life around your high school girlfriend. For one, in high school and college we change sooooo much, so much so that we become completely different sometimes from the people we once were and once dated. So if you're going off to college and think you're going to make a long distance relationship work, think twice. You're going to meet so many new people and so many new lesbians, you're dating doors will be wide open which causes a lot of insecurity in the relationship. I decided that I had to go to college near my girlfriend so I applied to a school and got in and when we broke up right before I graduated I was screwed. I was stuck going to a school that wasn't right for me but that had been right for my relationship, and that was the only place I applied to. Stupid. Hey, if it works out that you both want to go to school at the same place that's great.. go for it.. But at this age, nothing lasts forever.. just keep an open mind.
5. Do not shove your sexuality down your parents throat - hell, they are just getting used to thinking of you as adults/sexual people anyways and to throw them off guard with coming out is huge. Do not expect for them to accept you right away. My parents said they accepted me but then found ways to not accept my relationship with my girlfriend and that is because I expected them to be perfectly ok with her and I right away, I didn't ease them into it, I didn't provide a mature relationship for them to be comfortable with at all. It wasn't until my second girlfriend that I was able to prove that my lesbian relationship was a mature relationship and therefore they could accept that. So take it slow, they'll come around.
After giving this advice I worried that I came off a little negative, that maybe my mistakes had made me bitter, so bitter to say.. "don't date that girl in high school, its a waste of time and it won't last" but that isn't what I mean at all.
Take things slow, explore your options.. and take time to step outside of yourself and evaluate the situation from another point of view...
Any other tips ?
Dec 19, 2006
Background
I decided to finally start a blog detailing my experiences (sometimes hilarious, sometimes depressing, and sometimes straight out of the Showtime lesbian drama The L Word) as a single lesbian.
About Me:
Well I'm a young college student who has been an out lesbian for four years. In those four years I haven't been single for longer than a couple months and have been in two pretty serious relationships followed by a string of failed non-serious just for fun relationships. As of right now I've been single for a few months and have decided to stay that way for a while...
I started realizing that I was judging my self worth based on my relationship status and that I was afraid to be single because, well, that'd mean I was worthless, unattractive, ect..ect.... So with the advice of a few friends, over the past few months I have sort reevaluated my life. I've weeded out toxic friendships and decided to replace my need for romantic relationships with stronger bonds with my friends who I had been ignoring during the past four years worth of relationships, now if only I could find a way to replace my need for intimacy, oh well.
From now on I'll be detailing my past relationships along with new dates, lesbian news, and random thoughts on love, relationships, sex, and the lesbian community.
So... here .. it.. goes..
Oh.. I guess I should mention this now.. everyone mentioned in this blog will have fake names or will be named by initials .. unless stated otherwise.
About Me:
Well I'm a young college student who has been an out lesbian for four years. In those four years I haven't been single for longer than a couple months and have been in two pretty serious relationships followed by a string of failed non-serious just for fun relationships. As of right now I've been single for a few months and have decided to stay that way for a while...
I started realizing that I was judging my self worth based on my relationship status and that I was afraid to be single because, well, that'd mean I was worthless, unattractive, ect..ect.... So with the advice of a few friends, over the past few months I have sort reevaluated my life. I've weeded out toxic friendships and decided to replace my need for romantic relationships with stronger bonds with my friends who I had been ignoring during the past four years worth of relationships, now if only I could find a way to replace my need for intimacy, oh well.
From now on I'll be detailing my past relationships along with new dates, lesbian news, and random thoughts on love, relationships, sex, and the lesbian community.
So... here .. it.. goes..
Oh.. I guess I should mention this now.. everyone mentioned in this blog will have fake names or will be named by initials .. unless stated otherwise.
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