Everything Happens For A Reason....Right?

I swear.. I have some ironic luck.

I meet someone absolutely amazing, like no one I've ever met before..
and she's contimplating a move 6 hours away.

Of course it's way to soon in getting to know her to say.."Don't Move!" but I just have this feeling that if the move happens I'll be missing out on getting to know (that is in the context that I want) one of the most wonderful women I've ever met. But her opportunity to go is a good one, it'd be exciting, no doubt about it and I'm supportive! I am! I'm just going to be disappointed if it happens. But it's a maybe.. We'll see. I'm not trying to be a negative-nancy about the opportunity for her to move, really I'm not...I'm sure she knows this. I really think it'd be great for her. I just wish our timing was better.

What ever happens, happens. If it's meant to be it'll be...
Everything happens for a reason.
I just have to keep living by that.

Until she figures it out we're going to enjoy getting to know eachother and have fun, and that's really all that matters ....

Women like her seriously are a rarity, not just in the lesbian community but in general. In the michigan lesbian community however, she's a UNICORN... (a unicorn? yes.. a myth, a fairytale, rare, ect..ect..) attractive, kind, funny, selfless, funny, driven, happy.. I could rant forever about how wonderful she is but I'm sure you get the point.

Lesbian Communication Dynamics!

Monday in my social psychology class my teacher gave us a handout, the handout was a dialouge between a man and woman in a relationship.. we were supposed to read it.. examine it, explain it.. it was basically a woman trying to have an important conversation about their relationship and the man thinking of everything esle in it.. anyways.. it was a lesson on communication in relationships. Unfortunately it was focuses soley on heterosexual relationships. ..I couldn't help but interject the communication dynamic of lesbians..

I think having one supreme communicator (female according to class) and one non-communicator (male according to class) in a relationship isn't just a stereotypically heterosexual dynamic.. I've always been the "over communicator" in my relationships.. and I've always seemed to end up with someone who is the opposite.. So I think this can happen in any kind of relationship gay or straight.. Yet I have been in relationships with women where it is two supreme communicators.. which was sort of interesting to bring up to class..

"imagine this dialouge between TWO WOMEN" ..
it's true.. it would have been full of passive agressive insecure over communication... sometimes i think lesbians, together, over analyze..over talk..

Anyway, it was nice to be able to interject a new dynamic for the class, the people I discussed this with got a kick out of it

Sorry, Really I am..

It's been a while I know.. and I had promised to update more. I really should have.. a lot has happened

- the previously mentioned relationship did not work out, too much back and forth.. she wasn't ready, wasn't over someone else, wasn't ready to dive into a "real relationship" ..she was new to it all.. About the time I had given up, she was finally ready to give in.. It just didn't work. We're far to different for eachother as well, something I tried to push aside during the chase. I also learned through this..not to settle. The old me would have stayed in it for fear of being alone.. the new me doesn't need to be in a relationship, being in one is an added bonus to my already very full and lovely life.. I'm proud of this step :)

- last month I was a guest on a panel discussing LGBT issue. Much of my participation had to deal with lesbian stereotypes and coming out with few positive role models. I was the "femme" lesbian on the panel. It was interesting.. I made some new friends and I provided a positive example for the class that was participating.

- I recently spoke to H (my first girlfriend) who has moved to a big city post college and is in the process of starting a transition from female to male. It was really interesting to find this out.. I had known for the last year that it's been something on her mind, but it's still really surprising to me because the H. I knew was really feminine.. but this was a result of the conditioning from her parents. Now that she is free to be herself, as an adult, H. now feels more comfortable to transition. I'm fully supportive and I'm she feels comfortable telling me about her new life changes. It's nice to have her in my life still..

- After breaking it off with previously mentioned relationship ( she will be known as N. ) .. I met someone.. it was a fluke..really. A friend from high school was insisting I meet a new friend of his. I didn't really trust his judgment but I agreed to meet her anyways.. annnnd I couldn't have been more wrong. My friend was right.. she's pretty much amazing and perfect for me.. we have so much in common and she appreciates the quirky things about me that few others have, this is because we share some of the same quirks. She's really great.. my friends like her, my parents love her.. I could rant forever. She lives 2.5 hours away though.. But that's ok! We'll figure it out. She's a great girl and I'm excited to get to know her.

- I watched a lesbian movie today that appeared in my mailbox via netflix "It's in the water".. It was sort of campy.. but cute I guess.. not something I'd really suggest spending the time on...eh

A Century In The Closet..

Please take a moment to read this inspiring story at Newsweek about Loraine Barr who, at 88, just came out of the closet.

Eh..Updates!

Ok OK Ok ! I know.. i'm so bad at this.. but I promise I'll get better! Really!

a few things..

1)I met a girl.. I was/am crazy about her.. the chase was a rough one. We're very good together as friends but.. then we crossed that "more than friends" line and it was confusing and she didn't know what she wanted and... yadda... we're in a.. RELATIONSHIP now..so we'll see how that goes.

2. Is it a myth that all lesbians like oral sex? Are there lesbians out there that do not?.. Oral sex is a topic I really need to touch base on.

3. Insecurity. I'm having a lot of insecurity issues in the new relationship.. based on past relationships.. and I'm trying to find positive ways to overcome this..

4. Recently an 88 year old woman came out of the closet.. I'll post the story.. it's a must read

5. This Senator Craig Business is disgusting.. It never fails to suprise me when a self hating republican gets outted..

6. More to come..I promise.. I do..

Neeeew

After that last dramatic dating encounter, I have met a new girl.. We are taking it slow and getting to know each other. She's my totally type:
-tall
-thin
-dark curly hair
-musician
-smart
-pretty
-confident
-creative
-artsy

and so far normal

:D

so far so good, we have fun together, she likes my parents and my friends and they like her... and so do I

Babies?

Damn, sorry I haven't updated in forever.. a lot has been going on..

Lets seee.. the most recent crazyness to enter my life has been really quite dramatic and shocking... it didn't start out that way though..

A few weeks ago, probably a month ago by now.. My friends and I started going to the local gay bar (which is a dump but it's all we have) when we witnessed the ear bleeding inducing karaokee that occurs there every thursday night, to top it off it's admission free and dollar drink night! Well one night when my friend and I were dueting on stage to Like A Virgin, we were rolling on the ground like the queen madonna herself, when I jumped back up and said "If THAT doesn't get me a girlfriend, it better get me a drink" the crowd laughed and we went back to our seats.. minutes later a drink was placed infront of me by a cute girl with curly hair who said.."this may not be a girlfriend, but it IS a drink" I thanked her and then other people started talking to me.. and we sort of left it at that.. well long story short, i got her number and we started hanging out. We got close fast and she insisted on hanging out every day.. which is new to me because I've always been in long distance relationships where this was never the case.

I was ok with spending a lot of time together at first... the first few days were great as she was the most attentive person I've ever dated she gave me all the attention I've always poured into other people but never gotten back.. She made me dinner.. she bought me drinks when we went out.. she looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I got to know a lot about her and her troubled past and was really relieved to know that she was such a great person regardless... but then three days straight of hanging out turned into five.. then seven... and it got to be a lot. I was never home.. I wasn't able to see my friends.. and I just was exhausted as hell.

Oh wait! I forgot to mention that five dates in she had a terrible day and decided to drink and take pills to fix it and expected me to put up with it.. she insisted I come back to her house with her (we met friends at a bar, where at the time i didn't know the severity of her bad day or her drinking/pill popping ) so i did, but when we got back to her house and the pills were consumed.. and the slurring and stubbling commencened I started to get pissed. I wasn't about to spend my first night over with her being a mess. I understand having a bad day but handling it like that.. yeah..not cool. After having to listen to her say bad things about the two of us and about herself I finally got her into bed.. apparently the drinking and pills didn't effect her sex drive because.. well.. yeah she wanted to, i didn't, but we ended up fooling around. And I hate to be full of tooo much info, but really this has to be said in a blog about my dating life. So, back to the story, as we're fooling around and she's about to climax... she screams " DO YOU WANT TO HAVE BABIES WITH ME?!"....
..
...
......
....
..
.
WHAT!? Yes.. go ahead, laugh.. I sure as hell did.. I mean..Really..

Ok.. so after that night.. I was feeling done..but she insisted she wasn't normally like that.. and by then I was exhausted and needed a day with friends and family.. So i did just that. I made plans and decided this was my night away ..and when she called to make plans and I told her I had some that night, she said she couldn't see me anymore! Who DOES THAT? A little immature.. considering she's six years older than I am.

More drama came after..after a night at the bar she apparently was followed home by a friend who is in love with her and jealous of me, and the friend beat her up..

so after..
- "do you want to have babies with me?!?!"
-"i cant see you anymore because you don't want to spend time with me" (after spending every day with her)
- and after crazy violent friend

i was done.. and she hates me for it..but my god how much drama can one girl take?

Siiighhhhh

Interesting, really... but enough.. it lasted a week and a halfish..

Sicko

When it comes to my ex J, I sometimes forget what is and isn't my place. I still worry about her... I still care about her.. when she's sad or sick I want to be there for her.. but it's not my place anymore. She has a new girlfriend and they're happy and she doesn't need me to take care of her like I was so used to doing during our relationship.

But... recently she had some health problems, serious health problems. During these health problems her parents started a fight with her over her new girlfriend, thus making it uncomfortable for the upcoming surgery. I volunteered to go and act as a mediator because her parents like me..and I'm on good terms with her new girlfriend so I could keep them from anything potentially negative. The more and more I thought about it though, it just didn't seem right.

I really wanted to be there for her, but at the same time I didn't want to offend her new girlfriend or stress her parents out. In the end I tried looking at it from her new girlfriends point of view.. "would i really want my girlfriends ex at her surgery?" No.. I wouldn't. So I didn't go.

Everything turned out fine and she's fine.. But for a good week I was torn on what to do. What if it hadn't turned out ok? What if I wasn't there when terrible news came? If anyone is reading this? What would you do?

What I'm listening to...

I just can't get Dragonette out of my head! So check out their myspace and watch this gay friendly video "I Get Around"

This just can't be suuuummmer looooove

Summer has officially started. The weather has been really beautiful, days are being spent sunbathing and sticking my toes in the lake as I wait for it to warm... but it wasn't until last summers "Summer Crush" came home recently that summer really felt like it started.

C came home on the first of the month, she had been away at school in Europe. I got to see on the third when she played a show at the local art fair. It wasn't until I saw her smile that I realised just how much I missed her. When I say I missed her I don't mean in the "crushy feeling" sort of way. I missed her because she is one of the most inspiring people I have ever met and being around her makes me feel so much better about the world. She's so optimistic.

Seeing her felt slightly uncomfortable though. Maybe it was the mixed emotions about what happened last summer, maybe it was the worry that something similar might happen again, maybe it was the worry that it wouldn't. It could have been the concern that change during the time apart would make us incompatible friends. It was a mixture of all of the above. But not much was said because everyone was excited to have her home and she was busy at the fair...

I didn't get spend time with her until last Friday at a friends birthday gathering.. before hand we talked about our recent love/like interests and what we had learned from them.. and it was good to catch up.. we had fun.. it was good.. It's nice to be done with what happened last summer and hopefully we can move on as friends..