Hypersexuality is characterized by an impairing need for frequent genital stimulation that, when achieved, does not result in long-term emotional or sexual satisfaction. This dissatisfaction is what is believed to encourage the heightened frequency of sexual stimulation, as well as additional physiological and neurological symptoms.
___________________________________________________________I like sex. I love sex. Sex is something I think about a lot. It's also something I'd like to do a lot when the opportunity arises. Does this mean I have a high sex drive? Maybe. Is that a bad thing? I think not.
Recently I had a conversation with a friend who is in a brand new relationship with someone who isn't outwardly sexual in nature. My friend, however, is highly sexual. Her and I share a sex drive that is closely comparable, we prefer sexual experiences to occur daily if not more. Granted, we would be fine if it didn't happen daily but.. that's just how much we could and would have sex if the situation were right. So, anyways this friend has a high sex drive and is dating someone who she doesn't feel comfortable expressing her sexuality too (sign one that something is wrong). This friend also feels like her high sex drive is a bad thing which is why she has a hard time discussing this with her new girlfriend.
My advice was....
1. Get over being ashamed of your "high sex drive". Everyone has a different opinion on sex drive, how often sex should be had and when it should be initiated. Some may consider my sex drive low, some might consider it normal and some might consider it insane. If you can't be proud of the fact that you're a sexual woman that you shouldn't be having a sexual relationship. Own it! Be Proud! Sex is a beautiful, fun, and exciting thing. So what if your sex drive isn't characteristic of the stereotypical women we see depicted in TV and movies.
2. Be completely honest. In fact that's one of the first things I'll discuss with someone when we start dating. I let it be known that sex is not only something I'm interested in as a field of study (yes i want to be a sex therapist) but it's also something that I desire quite often. I make it a point to get mine and the other persons sexuality out there on the table and discussed. It's important. I'm not going to want to invest so much time and effort into someone that I'm not going to be sexually compatible with and if you're honest and upfront about it right away you'll be able to get a feel for your sexual compatibility immediately.
3. Start dialogue about what sort of things you like and don't like, the frequency that you desire your "sexual experiences", things you haven't done and would like to try (their reaction to this is key to how compatible you are... example: if you've thought you would like to try some form of S & M or if you've always wanted to invite a third person into the bedroom.. and the person reacts badly to it then you know this person might squash your exploration and therefore may not be the one for you )
That's all you can do really. Accept it and talk about it. Being honest and open and confident with your sexuality is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Telling someone exactly what you want and don't want in bed or giving them a little instruction should never be something you should be afraid of. Get comfortable.. you're having sex with the person, you might as well get what you want right?
This also reminded me of a conversation I had with a group of lesbians over dinner one night. It was me, the girl I was recently seeing, and two couples. One couple stated that they had sex maybe once a month.. the other couple said they had sex maybe once a week. The look on my face must have been utter horror. I can't imagine not having sex more than a couple times a week. How can you just.. not desire the person you are attracted to and in love with? Hell I can't even sleep next to someone I'm attracted to and comfortable with without trying to initiate something sexual and physical.
Sex is not the most important thing to me, really it isn't....but it is important. Maybe having someone accept my sexual initiation is the validation I need in order to feel security in a dating/romantic relationship. I guess I've always felt like.. "oh god, if they don't want to have sex with me..right now..at this moment.. even though their tired.. that must mean.. that they don't find me attractive .." .. I feel unwanted... This is something that I have recently discovered about myself that I really want to find the self esteem and security to fix. I'm working on it.
I am by no means a "papi" from the l word but I like sex, I respect sex, and sex interests me. I'm proud to have a sex drive that of most of my friends combined.
Please.. just let there be no "lesbian bed death" in my future...
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