Cheating

Sigh..

I was cheated on once a year ago this month. I've never felt a feeling quite like that. I was completely heartbroken, distraught, enraged.. and sick over it. My girlfriend at the time was the most unlikely candidate for a cheater, she had always thought it was the worst thing you could possibly do.. the worst kind of people were cheaters she thought, and she became one.

It after a few months I was over the ex but I will never be over the feeling of being cheated on.
My mother was cheated on, my aunt was cheated on, my best friend has been cheated on.. and I've seen how it has torn apart their lives and then my own. Yet.. when I was thrown into a situation we're i would have been the "other woman" recently I was surprised at how quickly logic goes out the door and how selfishness takes over.

There was a girl once that i mentioned briefly, S. , she had a fling with H shortly after H and I broke up, I met S two years later, we hit it off right away, immediately attracted to each other and comfortable, we clicked. Unfortunately we met a week before left for school out of state, we tried long distance for a while... didn't work we both ended up a little insecure and there were a few other factors that got in the way.. but we decided to be friends. So we're good friends and she came to visit on her spring break and right away it was like when we first met, we just click and when you click like that you want to act on it.. especially when you are as comfortable with each other as we are.

One problem, she just started dating someone, a girl who she doesn't feel as comfortable with, a girl that she likes and who adores her, but she isn't as compatible with as she is with me.. It was so hard to not act on it. and we did really well.. but it was hard.. very hard. I felt so selfish.. as much as I would never ever want to hurt someone (her new girlfriend) I didn't really care, I wanted to act on what we still felt when we were together, I wanted to satisfy what I was feeling regardless of the situation. I couldn't believe it..

After being cheated on.. I was so close to becoming the other woman..

And it's funny.. the one day i decide..."OK maybe i want to be the other woman" every song on the radio .. every show on TV.. has cheating as the plot!.. Seriously! The L Word, Greys Anatomy, the movies we watched while she was here... It was so weird. We just kept looking at each other like.."Ugh, this is a sign that we need to be careful"

We survived major temptation.. but barely. We're really good friends, we always will be, but we'll always be attracted and comfortable with each other too. It's so hard.. how do you deny what you're feeling.. when you're feeling it? How can you hold back when it feels so natural ? Blah.. I'm glad I'm single for that reason, I can act on how I feel without worrying about hurting anyone.. That's where I'm at right now.. In my life, at this moment, I refuse to hold back, but sometimes you have to out of respect for someone else ...