Last night I had a really good conversation with someone new. By really good, I mean ..really really good. Anyways, we had this fun conversation sort of complaining about the lesbians circles of michigan. This all started because as I started talking to her I was so amazed to learn things about her that seem to be void of the majority of the lesbian population here.... like the following:
-Reading (and no, I don't mean The Giver in middle school, or Magazines.. I mean BOOKS!)
-Caring about the state of the nation and the people in it - Politics, News, Current Events...you have no idea how many women I have met that don't know who the governor or our senators are. I met a woman once who didn't vote or know who our vice president was. to me , that is disgusting considering that so much of our livelyhood depends on the government right? Equal Rights.. Elections.. ect..ect.
I can't think of the others, I know there are more, but these are just the really important ones to me.
I long for a lesbian community that cares about real issues not just who is fucking who.. and when the next Ani concert is.
Dec 22, 2006
Advice From One Young Lesbian to a Younger One
Lately, I've been giving advice to a newly out senior in high school. She is this amazing, smart, talented, kind, and beautiful young woman who has decided to come out, and start a relationship with another young lesbian in the high school. I'm giving her the type of advice I wish I would have had forced down my throat when I was just coming out so I thought I'd post it for everyone else and get some advice to give to her.
1. Don't label yourself the gay girl. - when I first came out I couldn't wait to tell the world, I was in love and everyone had to know about it, so I told them. And while I was surprisingly accepted among this seemingly conservative student body, I became "J. the gay girl " I was always referred to as.. "oh that's J. she's gay" and at first that was fine.. but I've grown to realize that I am much more than my sexuality. I'm J the girl who is into politics, a reader of good books, a drinker of good wine, who is loud and fun.. who happens to be gay.. I'm much much much more now.
2. Leave the rainbow bracelets at home - no one wants someones opinion shoved in their face, besides it's tacky! I limit myself to an HRC sticker on my car, that's it. It isn't necessary to decorate yourself with signs of your sexuality, straight people don't do it. And it goes hand and hand with labeling yourself before other people do.
3. Its not always the best choice to pair up with the only other out lesbian in school - i know a handful of people who have done this, they come out, want to be in a relationship and pair up with the only other out lesbian who they might not be compatible with at all but it works because that's all you have to choose from.
4. If you do date in high school don't do this - and by this I mean.. do not, I repeat, do not plan your life around your high school girlfriend. For one, in high school and college we change sooooo much, so much so that we become completely different sometimes from the people we once were and once dated. So if you're going off to college and think you're going to make a long distance relationship work, think twice. You're going to meet so many new people and so many new lesbians, you're dating doors will be wide open which causes a lot of insecurity in the relationship. I decided that I had to go to college near my girlfriend so I applied to a school and got in and when we broke up right before I graduated I was screwed. I was stuck going to a school that wasn't right for me but that had been right for my relationship, and that was the only place I applied to. Stupid. Hey, if it works out that you both want to go to school at the same place that's great.. go for it.. But at this age, nothing lasts forever.. just keep an open mind.
5. Do not shove your sexuality down your parents throat - hell, they are just getting used to thinking of you as adults/sexual people anyways and to throw them off guard with coming out is huge. Do not expect for them to accept you right away. My parents said they accepted me but then found ways to not accept my relationship with my girlfriend and that is because I expected them to be perfectly ok with her and I right away, I didn't ease them into it, I didn't provide a mature relationship for them to be comfortable with at all. It wasn't until my second girlfriend that I was able to prove that my lesbian relationship was a mature relationship and therefore they could accept that. So take it slow, they'll come around.
After giving this advice I worried that I came off a little negative, that maybe my mistakes had made me bitter, so bitter to say.. "don't date that girl in high school, its a waste of time and it won't last" but that isn't what I mean at all.
Take things slow, explore your options.. and take time to step outside of yourself and evaluate the situation from another point of view...
Any other tips ?
1. Don't label yourself the gay girl. - when I first came out I couldn't wait to tell the world, I was in love and everyone had to know about it, so I told them. And while I was surprisingly accepted among this seemingly conservative student body, I became "J. the gay girl " I was always referred to as.. "oh that's J. she's gay" and at first that was fine.. but I've grown to realize that I am much more than my sexuality. I'm J the girl who is into politics, a reader of good books, a drinker of good wine, who is loud and fun.. who happens to be gay.. I'm much much much more now.
2. Leave the rainbow bracelets at home - no one wants someones opinion shoved in their face, besides it's tacky! I limit myself to an HRC sticker on my car, that's it. It isn't necessary to decorate yourself with signs of your sexuality, straight people don't do it. And it goes hand and hand with labeling yourself before other people do.
3. Its not always the best choice to pair up with the only other out lesbian in school - i know a handful of people who have done this, they come out, want to be in a relationship and pair up with the only other out lesbian who they might not be compatible with at all but it works because that's all you have to choose from.
4. If you do date in high school don't do this - and by this I mean.. do not, I repeat, do not plan your life around your high school girlfriend. For one, in high school and college we change sooooo much, so much so that we become completely different sometimes from the people we once were and once dated. So if you're going off to college and think you're going to make a long distance relationship work, think twice. You're going to meet so many new people and so many new lesbians, you're dating doors will be wide open which causes a lot of insecurity in the relationship. I decided that I had to go to college near my girlfriend so I applied to a school and got in and when we broke up right before I graduated I was screwed. I was stuck going to a school that wasn't right for me but that had been right for my relationship, and that was the only place I applied to. Stupid. Hey, if it works out that you both want to go to school at the same place that's great.. go for it.. But at this age, nothing lasts forever.. just keep an open mind.
5. Do not shove your sexuality down your parents throat - hell, they are just getting used to thinking of you as adults/sexual people anyways and to throw them off guard with coming out is huge. Do not expect for them to accept you right away. My parents said they accepted me but then found ways to not accept my relationship with my girlfriend and that is because I expected them to be perfectly ok with her and I right away, I didn't ease them into it, I didn't provide a mature relationship for them to be comfortable with at all. It wasn't until my second girlfriend that I was able to prove that my lesbian relationship was a mature relationship and therefore they could accept that. So take it slow, they'll come around.
After giving this advice I worried that I came off a little negative, that maybe my mistakes had made me bitter, so bitter to say.. "don't date that girl in high school, its a waste of time and it won't last" but that isn't what I mean at all.
Take things slow, explore your options.. and take time to step outside of yourself and evaluate the situation from another point of view...
Any other tips ?
Dec 20, 2006
Dec 19, 2006
Make that a "Bleeding Heart Libeal Single Lesbian"
Recently I went on a date with a girl I knew I would not be compatible with. I met this girl at a bar (a straight bar too) , we'll call her L. She happened to know a friend I was there with and once she found out I was gay this girl was all up in my business.. At the end of the night, after carefully avoiding her ( because she was a stereotypical bisexual party girl) she insisted I give her my number, which I did to be nice but most likely shouldn't have. That was over the summer and ever since she's been texting or calling me to convince me to let her take me out..
So, I gave in, not because I thought this would work, but because I felt bad about blowing her off, and I finally had time post-exam week.
I decided that hanging out alone probably wouldn't be comfortable for me considering I knew we were going to have very little in common, so the friend of mine that she knew, along with a group of girls from work all went to a bar and bowling..
i picked up L. from her house and we drove to meet my friends to go bowling, as soon as we left her house she goes.."shit i forgot my pot.. want me to go get it?" (not so much.. I dont want to smoke pot on the first date..) .. and then she says.."do you think they'll card us.. I really want to DRINK! I brought my fake id!!!" (strike two.. i dont want to get drunk on the first date ) and considering the friends we were hanging out with, most of them are pretty clean and squeeky.. so i was a little nervous.. butI asked her tons of questions on the ride up there.. and that was nice (she has not so accepting alcoholic parents, she was the areas first female wrestler in high school, a cheerleader, and all around athlete)).. and we had a fun time bowling..i bowled the best i've ever bowled..and she was flirty and i was ignoring it a little... she paid for bowling..which was nice.. after that we went to my friends house for a minute and then out driving around looking at xmas lights.... and then..
Dun..dun..dun...
we got in a huge discussion about religion in politics.. first.. she says she isnt religious but spiritual.. so im thinking ok she's not really into god .. maybe into just life in general like me..so i say something like...."ugh yeah..me too i m not really into the god stuff AT ALL" and she looks at me, completely disgusted..and goes on to explain that she is into god.. A LOT.. and that she just isnt into the rules of the bible as much......oh..hmm... shit .. well that's great, i offended her, onwards..
then we start talking about how im so political.. and she goes.."im a republican.. " and i laugh and she's serious.. WHAT?! ok.."what about gay marriage? and abortion?" She says, "i dont think gay marriage should be legal, if we got together and stayed that way forever i would NOT marry you because its just not moral.. and i'm pro-life".. so i go on to explain that i am a very hard core bleeding liberal.. and she's a conservative with some liberal tendencies.. like.. making out with girls and smoking pot.. .. great.. listening to her express her conservative opinions.. made my stumach a little upset.. which is terrible.. i should be open minded.. but when she said that about gay marriage.. i literally STOPPED THE CAR.. and said.."you have GOT to be shitting me.."... she was shitting me not! .... so obviously both of us got a little uncomfortable.. she went from being insanely crazy about me all night.. to really tense.. i hit a nerve... i joked and was like.."see now you dont like me"....she said.."dont worry baby,i can change you" to which i stopped the car once again to give her an.. "awww heeeelll no face"
we went to her house..she invited me inside.. i sat in the bathroom while she took out her contact lenses.. which were blue.. that covered the darkest brown eyes i've ever..ever.. ever.. seen.. she's a beauuuutiful girl.. and she's funny.. but i could never date someone.. who doesnt believe in equal rights.. and not that i was planning on dating her.. i just.. accepted a date invitation to hang out and get to know her.. and maybe make a new friend.. i went into knowing i didnt want anything more..but now that we arent politically compatible.. i'm a little sad.. just because.. here is this girl who is going to date a women one day.. yet the whole time she's going to believe what she's doing is wrong.. i couldnt put myself through that....
after all this.. she thought she was still going to kiss me..to which i said.. "I can't kiss you because you're a republican".. i can't believe i said it.. hahaha..
so after i left her house.. i was certain i wouldn't really hear from her for a couple days..which is fine.. absolutely fine.. i dialed my friends up right away to tell them about how my wild party girl date ended up being supe politically conservative.. and then.. she called me to say that she was thinking about me a lot.. and that she had a good time.. and that we can agree to disagree and that she liked my "little opinions", little opinions? bullshit, those are deep rooted beliefs, "little opinions" large enough give me the worst bad-date-stomach-ache .... oh man, she still likes me..
i respect everyones beliefs and opinions.. but if im going to be with someone, or date someone, or whatever.. that is one of the most important things for me to be compatible with.. is political and religious veiws....
she was a really nice girl, fun, loud, affectionate, beautiful, but the wild party girl with a conervative agenda is definately not my type.
wow, i still can't believe i managed thro
So, I gave in, not because I thought this would work, but because I felt bad about blowing her off, and I finally had time post-exam week.
I decided that hanging out alone probably wouldn't be comfortable for me considering I knew we were going to have very little in common, so the friend of mine that she knew, along with a group of girls from work all went to a bar and bowling..
i picked up L. from her house and we drove to meet my friends to go bowling, as soon as we left her house she goes.."shit i forgot my pot.. want me to go get it?" (not so much.. I dont want to smoke pot on the first date..) .. and then she says.."do you think they'll card us.. I really want to DRINK! I brought my fake id!!!" (strike two.. i dont want to get drunk on the first date ) and considering the friends we were hanging out with, most of them are pretty clean and squeeky.. so i was a little nervous.. butI asked her tons of questions on the ride up there.. and that was nice (she has not so accepting alcoholic parents, she was the areas first female wrestler in high school, a cheerleader, and all around athlete)).. and we had a fun time bowling..i bowled the best i've ever bowled..and she was flirty and i was ignoring it a little... she paid for bowling..which was nice.. after that we went to my friends house for a minute and then out driving around looking at xmas lights.... and then..
Dun..dun..dun...
we got in a huge discussion about religion in politics.. first.. she says she isnt religious but spiritual.. so im thinking ok she's not really into god .. maybe into just life in general like me..so i say something like...."ugh yeah..me too i m not really into the god stuff AT ALL" and she looks at me, completely disgusted..and goes on to explain that she is into god.. A LOT.. and that she just isnt into the rules of the bible as much......oh..hmm... shit .. well that's great, i offended her, onwards..
then we start talking about how im so political.. and she goes.."im a republican.. " and i laugh and she's serious.. WHAT?! ok.."what about gay marriage? and abortion?" She says, "i dont think gay marriage should be legal, if we got together and stayed that way forever i would NOT marry you because its just not moral.. and i'm pro-life".. so i go on to explain that i am a very hard core bleeding liberal.. and she's a conservative with some liberal tendencies.. like.. making out with girls and smoking pot.. .. great.. listening to her express her conservative opinions.. made my stumach a little upset.. which is terrible.. i should be open minded.. but when she said that about gay marriage.. i literally STOPPED THE CAR.. and said.."you have GOT to be shitting me.."... she was shitting me not! .... so obviously both of us got a little uncomfortable.. she went from being insanely crazy about me all night.. to really tense.. i hit a nerve... i joked and was like.."see now you dont like me"....she said.."dont worry baby,i can change you" to which i stopped the car once again to give her an.. "awww heeeelll no face"
we went to her house..she invited me inside.. i sat in the bathroom while she took out her contact lenses.. which were blue.. that covered the darkest brown eyes i've ever..ever.. ever.. seen.. she's a beauuuutiful girl.. and she's funny.. but i could never date someone.. who doesnt believe in equal rights.. and not that i was planning on dating her.. i just.. accepted a date invitation to hang out and get to know her.. and maybe make a new friend.. i went into knowing i didnt want anything more..but now that we arent politically compatible.. i'm a little sad.. just because.. here is this girl who is going to date a women one day.. yet the whole time she's going to believe what she's doing is wrong.. i couldnt put myself through that....
after all this.. she thought she was still going to kiss me..to which i said.. "I can't kiss you because you're a republican".. i can't believe i said it.. hahaha..
so after i left her house.. i was certain i wouldn't really hear from her for a couple days..which is fine.. absolutely fine.. i dialed my friends up right away to tell them about how my wild party girl date ended up being supe politically conservative.. and then.. she called me to say that she was thinking about me a lot.. and that she had a good time.. and that we can agree to disagree and that she liked my "little opinions", little opinions? bullshit, those are deep rooted beliefs, "little opinions" large enough give me the worst bad-date-stomach-ache .... oh man, she still likes me..
i respect everyones beliefs and opinions.. but if im going to be with someone, or date someone, or whatever.. that is one of the most important things for me to be compatible with.. is political and religious veiws....
she was a really nice girl, fun, loud, affectionate, beautiful, but the wild party girl with a conervative agenda is definately not my type.
wow, i still can't believe i managed thro
Background
I decided to finally start a blog detailing my experiences (sometimes hilarious, sometimes depressing, and sometimes straight out of the Showtime lesbian drama The L Word) as a single lesbian.
About Me:
Well I'm a young college student who has been an out lesbian for four years. In those four years I haven't been single for longer than a couple months and have been in two pretty serious relationships followed by a string of failed non-serious just for fun relationships. As of right now I've been single for a few months and have decided to stay that way for a while...
I started realizing that I was judging my self worth based on my relationship status and that I was afraid to be single because, well, that'd mean I was worthless, unattractive, ect..ect.... So with the advice of a few friends, over the past few months I have sort reevaluated my life. I've weeded out toxic friendships and decided to replace my need for romantic relationships with stronger bonds with my friends who I had been ignoring during the past four years worth of relationships, now if only I could find a way to replace my need for intimacy, oh well.
From now on I'll be detailing my past relationships along with new dates, lesbian news, and random thoughts on love, relationships, sex, and the lesbian community.
So... here .. it.. goes..
Oh.. I guess I should mention this now.. everyone mentioned in this blog will have fake names or will be named by initials .. unless stated otherwise.
About Me:
Well I'm a young college student who has been an out lesbian for four years. In those four years I haven't been single for longer than a couple months and have been in two pretty serious relationships followed by a string of failed non-serious just for fun relationships. As of right now I've been single for a few months and have decided to stay that way for a while...
I started realizing that I was judging my self worth based on my relationship status and that I was afraid to be single because, well, that'd mean I was worthless, unattractive, ect..ect.... So with the advice of a few friends, over the past few months I have sort reevaluated my life. I've weeded out toxic friendships and decided to replace my need for romantic relationships with stronger bonds with my friends who I had been ignoring during the past four years worth of relationships, now if only I could find a way to replace my need for intimacy, oh well.
From now on I'll be detailing my past relationships along with new dates, lesbian news, and random thoughts on love, relationships, sex, and the lesbian community.
So... here .. it.. goes..
Oh.. I guess I should mention this now.. everyone mentioned in this blog will have fake names or will be named by initials .. unless stated otherwise.
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